Thursday, September 11, 2014

Iced Tea, Cigarettes, and Death

A gust of polluted wind blows in her direction, reminding her where she is, her soft black hair swaying gently across her face.

She looks around her without really looking, and her mind barely registers the people bustling past her. After several minutes of mindlessly staring at strangers, her eyes finally focus on her fingers – or what’s in between them— and she smiles bitterly. “My only companion in this world,” she mutters under her breath, “the best... and the worst.”

She puts her “companion” in between her moist lips and sucked in hungrily. She sighs inwardly as she feels the wonderful sensation only her menthol cigarette could ever give to her. She knows she should quit. Everyone tells her to. She chuckles darkly as she finds that amusing. Yeah, everyone. Well, where is everyone now? She is in the middle of a busy crowd and yet she has never felt more alone. But she’s used to it. That’s why she still hasn’t quit smoking. Because who the fuck cares? She doesn’t. That balding man in the wrinkled suit doesn’t. And that one picking at his nose obviously doesn’t too. She gazes at the approaching waiter whose only thing he probably cares about right now is refilling empty glasses. She feels a little envious – how simple life must be for this guy, no great expectations, and no one expecting him to do anything but refill glasses and not break anything. She stares at the waiter’s calloused hand as he puts iced tea into her glass.

"Thank you." Mr. Iced Tea Guy gave a tiny nod at her almost inaudible words. He left her immediately. There are napkins to be folded.

Monday, August 4, 2014

Bakit Nga Ba Wala Akong Boyfriend? A "Liwayway Rant" Special. Be Warned, MedyoBitterOcampo.

Medyo nababadtrip nako sa mga taong tanong ng tanong kung bakit wala akong boyfriend or kung kailan ako magpapakasal. Medyo lang naman. Ganon ako ka-understanding! Kasi kahit bordering on pakialamera ang level ng mga dora the chikadoras sa paligid-ligid, eh naiintindihan ko pa rin sila. Bakit? Kasi naging mababaw din ako dati. Naging judgmental din ako dati. Nag-aassume, feeling superior, nangengelam ng buhay ng may buhay. Thank god dati lang yon! Eh kumusta naman kayo mga chikadoras?

So bakit nga ba ang hilig ng mga pinoy na mag-overstep ng boundaries? Tipong pumepersonal level na kahit "hi, hello" lang ang timpla ng conversation."Wala ka bang boyfriend?" - as if pag meron akong boyfriend eh makakatulong ang sagot ko sa buhay nila. Makakakain ba kayo sa Army Navy pag sinabi kong "oo, ang sweet nga namin ng boyfriend ko eh!!"

Siguro sa iba eh walang malisya ang mga tanong, may masabi lang kumbaga. Pero di niyo ba naiisip? Na kaya maagang natututong maglandi ang mga kabataan ngayon eh dahil kahit 10 years old pa lang ang bata, and opening ni Kumare o ni Tito/Tita kapag nakita eh "Kegandang bata! Siguro may boyfriend ka na noh? uyyyyy!" LOL. Gusto ko kayong i-hadouken lahat! Yan lang ba ang ineexpect niyo sa mga tao? Na ang ultimate goal ay mag-boyfriend... tapos mag-aasawa... tapos mag-aanak.... (pwede ring ijumble-jumble ang cycle.) ... tapos ano? Nga nga? Try niyo kayang itanong for a change "Meron ka bang natulungang tao ngayon?" o di kaya naman "Paano ka makaka-contribute sa ikagaganda ng society natin?" ganon! Hindi yung pinupush mo pa na magpacute at mag hanap ng boylet/girlalu! Ang babaw lang diba? Di ba kayo nahihiya sa mga sarili niyo? Ang galing niyong pumuna sa ibang tao. Eh kayo ba pinapakialaman ko kapag hanap kayo ng hanap ng jowa. Palit ng palit. Status pa ng status sa facebook - may foreforever pa kayong nalalaman at sinasabayan pa ng hashtag true love, with sweet pic na kahit langgam magkaka-diabetes sa sobrang kasweetan. Tapos ano? Di pa man nakakalabas ang bagyo for the week eh break na kaagad? Then hanap ng bago. Masaya na kayo non? Tuwang-tuwa ako sa inyo gusto ko kayong i-hug, wait for it, - sa leeg.

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Should we only love cute purebred dogs? How about the mutts? SHARE THE LOVE. (with UPDATES)

*To those who just wants to read the updates about DOGstoevsky, please scroll below*

I love animals more than I love people. Just this this morning (like ten minutes before I had to leave for work), my friend tagged me in a post and wanted me to watch a video of a dying stray dog that was granted his wish (I don't know how the animal communicator figured all that out though, maybe it's magic!) and I urge you to watch it.

Long story short, after crying my heart out, sobbing like a lost kid in a carnival, I put some dog food in a container so I could feed any stray dog I see - and quickly left the house. I don't want to be late for work, and I had to go someplace first. You see, last week I kept seeing this sickly and terribly emaciated dog on my way  to work - it's truly gut-wrenching to see him like that, but as you know life you can't always help every animal. I've been meaning to feed him since seeing him the first time but circumstances always prevented me from doing so (meaning, I'm always late for work).

The video I just mentioned (if you haven't clicked the link yet, I'm on my knees... watch it) opened my eyes and heart just a bit more. I have to do something now. I have to stop thinking and dreaming, and just do something. The first step is always just a teeny weenie baby step but it's also the most important - this morning I decided to get out of the jeepney, when I saw the dog in his same place (under the tricycle) looking weaker than ever, and feed him! It may not be as grand a gesture as building an animal shelter or whatnot, but like I've said, the first step no matter how small is the most important. I approached him, slowly so as not to startle him (he only managed to raise his head and his upper body) but when I whistled and said in a soothing voice "Here doggie, c'mon eat!", he tentatively sniffed around the dog food as if it's the first time he smelled food, and to my joy he started eating piece by piece. It's a kind of happiness I can't explain. I wanted to stay there just to watch him eat it one by one, but I'm running late for work. I managed to take some pics even though the people passing by were looking at me curiously. As if feeding a hungry dog and taking a picture of him is something weird and frowned upon. Should we always only take pictures of cute dogs? Should we only love cute purebred dogs?

I hope that one day, all of us realize that these mutts or strays should be loved as if they are our own pets. When I was feeding this dog, despite the poor condition he's obviously suffering, I still saw something in his eyes - a spark, like that of a slowly dying ember, but still there nonetheless - it's like I saw his soul (yes dogs have souls! Don't argue with me -_-) and all I saw was kindness and loyalty and the need to be loved & sheltered. It's heartbreaking. I wanted to take him home and bathe him and feed him as much as I feed my pets. But in reality, I can't always do that. I can't adopt every poorly-fed animals I see especially since he has an owner (and a terrible one!). What I can do is take that second baby step and bring him food and water tomorrow. And I'm looking forward to it. :)


Thursday, March 13, 2014


So I was on my way to work, walking (the only exercise I get to do), when I saw an elderly woman scavenging a pile of trash. I have already walked past her, because admittedly I have become one of those people that have gotten so used to seeing such extreme poverty and can turn a blind eye & justify it with the phrase "I pity them, but that's life, we all have our own problems to deal with." (and no I'm not proud of that), but this time something made me stop and look back.

Saturday, February 22, 2014

Kristen Stewart's Sex Poem... And Why Not Caring Is Important.

What seems like a jumble of words randomly taken from a dictionary, some seemingly made up, is actually a poem made by our resident brooding Hollywood A-lister, Kristen Stewart. This is probably one of the weirdest poems I've read, but definitely not the worst. People are too harsh. C'mon, is it really the worst? You guys still haven't read mine. LOL.

Some poems are straightforward, some are more abstract. KStew's teeters on the crazy, hazy side. And I love that! I love crazy! God knows what she means with this poem, but I see sex, and lots of it! So here's my tongue-in-cheek take on: 

My Heart Is A Wiffle Ball/Freedom Pole

(by Kristen Stewart)

I reared digital moonlight
You read its clock, scrawled neon across that black
Kismetly … ubiquitously crest fallen
Thrown down to strafe your foothills
…I'll suck the bones pretty.
(moonlight, crestfallen, black - can that mean sadness or depression? Ubiquitously, kismetly - fate, both of them are sad. Thrown together into a moment of shared emotions. Leading to KStew, uhhmm sucking something, some kind of errr- bones? hehe.)

Your nature perforated the abrasive organ pumps 
(nature - man's biology. perforated - entered. abrasive organ pumps - what a sexy euphemism for the female genitalia. hahahahahaha O_O)
Spray painted everything known to man,
(sprayed all over her "walls." As probably quite a few men have known that particular abrasive wall)
Stream rushed through and all out into 
(seriously, do I really have to explain this?)
Something Whilst the crackling stare down sun snuck 
(they were making love until the crack of dawn)
Through our windows boarded up
He hit your flint face and it sparked. 
(I thought she was talking about Rupert Sanders. But she said he sparked - fairy vampire. That means Edward Cullen of course)

Monday, February 3, 2014

The Legend of the Killer Cockroach & the Madwoman's Plight

I was abused.

Emotionally... Verbally...  Psychologically...

Abused as a child.

By my parents.. By my relatives.. By the people who raised me.

And now that I’m an adult, those traumatic experiences are still affecting me tremendously.

LOL. No I wasn't. I was just being melodramatic. =P

Flashback to late 80’s - early 90’s. When I still weighed like a cotton candy, sported bangs and ruffled/laced psychedelic clothes, pulled off tantrums in an irritating but forgivable way, and just annoyed a lot of people with my utter “spoiled little girl” nature.

I remember, whenever I do something naughty, my babysitters would always scream “aro ayan nayng ipas!! ('look there's the scary cockroach!!')” or “sige pag emuku pemintwan, puntalan naka ning ipas! ('if you disobey me, the roach will pay you a visit - and you won't like it!)” IPAS. IPAS. IPAS. COCKROACH. COCKROACH. COCK-FREAKIN-ROACH.

For the rest of my childhood years I’ve been constantly reminded that some ipas would crawl from under my bed, into my mouth/nose/and other orifices, and gnaw at my brains & intestines, lay their eggs on my ears, and then eat my soul (lol, pardon the melodrama).

No wonder I turned out like this.

Fast forward to the present day. At twenty-e — one.. at 21, I have this INSANE fear of cockroaches. Give me headless horsemen anytime, hovering coffins, blood-thirsty vampires, or rabid dogs, with open arms I’ll sacrifice myself. TOTALLY INSANE. 
But one freaking roach. I’m dead. Paralyzed. Mind blank. Heart beating faster than a Tiesto mix. Dizziness to the point of disorientation. Neurosis. One freakin cockroach could kill me. The only thing I fear more than a cockroach is a FLYING COCKROACH!

Sunday, February 2, 2014

Sinong nagsabing MATABA ako hah?!?

(Posted this on Jan. 4, 2011. LiveJournal account. As much as I hate to admit it, I have grown bigger and bigger since then. -_- )

PORKet ba dumagdag ako ng "konting" timbang (mga 22 lbs lng nmn ah. UPDATE: nadagdagan pa ng another 20 lbs haha.) eh mataba nako?

PORKet ba umuusli at nakabuyangyang ng bonggang-bongga ang tiyan ko, nakaupo man o nakatayo eh mataba nako?

PORKet ba lumaki ng "konti" ang mga braso ko (at iniisip nilang ng-gy-gym ako. body-building kumbaga) eh mataba nako?

PORKet ba halos lahat ng kaibigan ko ay pinapag-gym ako eh mataba nako? (concerned lang sila sa health ko. gusto lang nila akong maging fit.)

at PORKet ba inadjust na ng mama ko ang hook, butones, at kung anik anik pa sa lahat ng mga uniform ko dahil ang sikip na sa tiyan ko, eh mataba nako?


Kasi nmn mali yang term na mataba eh. Tumaba pwede pa. At least yon parang feeling ko konti lang ang tinaba ko.

Tatanggapin ko pa yon ng buong puso. Kaya sa lahat ng nagsasabing "ang taba-taba ko",eto ang mga tanong ko sa inyo.

• pag ba sinabihan ko ang kaaway ko na "you're such a bitch!", ay masasabi ba niya sa akin na "kung beach ako, salbabida ka!"? HEHE. HINDI SIGURO. (jez, tnx for the borrowed banat :P)

• pag ba sumasakay ako sa pedicab eh sinusumpong ng asthma o kya nmn eh pinuputukan ng ugat sa paa ang padyak driver? HINDE.

• pag ba sumakay ako sa dyip eh iniisip ba ng driver, barker, at mga taong katabi at kaharap ko na dapat pangdalawang tao ang bayad ko? HINDI RIN SIGURO.

• pag ba magtatago sa likod ko si Chokoleit eh matatakpan siya ng bonggang-bongga? HAHA. HINDI RIN.

• pag ba umupo ako sa isang upuan eh lumalangitngit ito ng walang puknat? NOPE. I don't think so :P

• pag ba hinamon ko ng away ang lalake, eh papatulan niya ako dahil feeling niya ka-level ko lang siya, kung katawan at lakas lang ang usapan?

• at if ever man pinatulan nga ako ng lalakeng yon at bigla niya akong sinuntok. pag ba nakahandusay ako at biglang napabilak, at tumaas ang skirt ko eh biglang tatalikod ang isang umuusyosong lalaki dahil diring-diri siya sa nakita niya? at hindi man lang ako agad tutulungan ng iba dahil alangan sila na baka hindi nila ako mabuhat? HAHAHA! HINDI AKO SI NYMPHA, mga kapatid.

• pag ba pinaupo ako sa elementary school arm-chairs na dikit-dikit ay hindi ako kakasya, at mangangailangan pa ako ng monobloc? HINDI NAMAN.

• pag ba dumating sa point na kailangan magkandungan, eh ako pa ang magkakandong sa boypren ko dahil hindi kakayanin ng powers niya na kandungin ako?

• and last but not the least, kung mataba ako, edi sana malaki din ang boobs ko! PERO HINDI EH! Ang saklap diba? mas malaki pa ang tiyan ko sa boobs ko.

at yan lang ang point ko mga friends. hindi po ako mataba. Tumaba lang. :P

Gusto ko lang talagang magsayang ng oras, at sana nasayang din ang panahon niyo sa pagbasa nito, haha!

Thank you for reading! Like, Share, or Follow this madwoman's blog if you have enjoyed taking a peek inside her dark, cobwebby mind.

You can use the left/right arrow keys to navigate this blog (older/newer posts).

You can also follow her on:
movie/book blog: A Moot Point

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

An Illicit & Explicit Longing

The thought of your sweet scent makes my mouth water... makes me sigh with longing. Touching you with my fingers, oh those memories of me playing with you right before I put you in my mouth. The way you light up as I suck on you, devour your essence, clouds my mind with bliss and contentment…

I shake my head as if that will make me forget. Forget how being addicted to you made me feel. How insanely dependent I was on you. I ask myself how something destructive can feel so good inside of me? I close my eyes as another thought fills my mind. Another weak moment in my past. A memory of intense pleasure building up, making me feel breathless. I try to keep you inside me, but that sweet release is inevitable. The moment I feel you escape my lips I know I want more. I take another hit. Yes! I already feel satisfied and you’re almost drained, but it’s not enough for me. I want more.

I capture you again in between my trembling lips.

My body relaxes as my lungs fill with your sweet smoke… Ahh, yes. That sublime feeling…

I miss you menthol cigarettes.

Thank you for reading! Like, Share, or Follow this madwoman's blog if you have enjoyed taking a peek inside her dark, cobwebby mind.

You can use the left/right arrow keys to navigate this blog (older/newer posts).

You can also follow her on:
movie/book blog: A Moot Point

Sunday, January 19, 2014

Meeting Santa & Satan

(A repost from my LiveJournal account. Wrote this years ago.)

Thinking about random stuff...

What if I went to North Pole? 

It will probably go something like this.

(dreamy music. enter imagined scenario)

After a tiring but incredibly enjoyable tour of Santa's toy factory, a snowball fight with the elves, & a fun sleigh ride with the reindeers, relaxing in St. Nick's fairy tale english cottage while sipping a cup of good ol' hot choco drink courtesy of Mrs. Claus is very much appreciated.

ME:  So Santa, why didn't you give me a present last christmas? I was a good girl, you know.

SANTA:  (with his booming voice & all his jolliness) Ho, Ho, Ho! No you weren't.

ME:  What?! Yes i was.

SANTA:  Ho, Ho.. So you're gonna insist on playing this jukienice character huh? ok, let's see.. (he got his famous LIST).. hmm.. you don't pray at night, you don't do chores, you drink, you broke practically all 10 commandments, you s---

ME: That's not true! I've been good!

SANTA: (still ho-ho-hoing) You lie, You-- ahem, do you want me to go on? I mean I'm just getting started. This past 2 months you broke the record by being consistently on top of my "naughty" list. You're a bum, you took v---

ME:  OK! I get it! No gifts for me, jeez! (I said good-naturedly as I drank my not-so-hot hot choco)

SANTA:  Ho Ho Ho! I'm just saying, you know! I mean, you could go to Hell for --

I didn't hear the rest of his sentence...

.. because i was again thinking.. Wouldn't it be COOL if i went to HELL & "chilled out" with dear old Lucifer?

Besides, it's so freaking cold here I can't even feel my tongue. Plus, the effing merriness in this place is too much for my pessimistic nature. blaah.

So from North, I went South. Way, way down south...

Saturday, January 18, 2014

Cold With Dread

It's 5:30 in the morning, and it's chilly. Really chilly.

She wakes up but her mind is still trying to drift off to sleep. She feels like she's been drugged. She rubs her hands & arms vigorously, trying to make herself feel warm - it's no use. Through droopy, sleepy eyes, she scanned her room out of habit and sees nothing but darkness, except for the hypnotic light from her computer monitor which is the only thing alive during this time. Everybody is still sleeping. Yet, here she is, awake and asleep at the same time.

She knows she has to do it.

She has to do it.

But could she?

Dread filled her as she thinks of what she has to do soon. Goosebumps crawl all over her skin as her icy hands try - unsuccessfully - to keep the evil cold from engulfing her senses. She lets out a deep, depressed sigh as she stands up.

She has to do it now.

Dragging her feet like a zombie, she walks towards the bathroom door, her hands stopping inches from the seemingly gleaming door knob - hesitating... Dreading. Breathing in deeply, she finally opens the door.

Another sigh.

"Here we go..." She muttered darkly.

Uncertainty fills her mind. Her body recoils from the task that has to be done but her mind keeps telling her to do it now. Pull the trigger. Plunge the knife straight to the heart. Cut the wrist and watch the blood drip. Whatever you have to do, just do it.

She has to do it. She keeps reminding herself.

She trembles involuntarily as she touches the cold steel.

NO. She can't do it!

It's too cold!

She turns her back from the shower, turns off the light, and closes the bathroom door.

"I showered yesterday anyway." She justifies to herself.

DISCLAIMER: the madwoman always showers before working. LOL.  =D 

Thank you for reading! Like, Share, or Follow this madwoman's blog if you have enjoyed taking a peek inside her dark, cobwebby mind.

You can use the left/right arrow keys to navigate this blog (older/newer posts).

You can also follow her on:
movie/book blog: A Moot Point

Friday, January 17, 2014

Fifty Shades of LIFE and why living feels like torture.

Life is a bitch. There's no use sugarcoating that. Because no matter how much you pretend that life is beautiful and easy and worth all the obstacles you have to endure all your life, the sad thing is, Life will make sure you don't forget that she is one helluva sadistic bitch.

She will whip, smack, punch, bludgeon, and strangle your fast-waning hope & positivity until you are in the brink of soul-death - gasping, begging, whimpering, slowly fading.

Until she gives you another glimmer of hope. A tiny sip of rejuvenating water. A false vision that everything is gonna be alright. To give you a surge of energy to continue living,  to fight another battle that life will give you, to believe that we can do it. We can survive it. That everything will be better if only we remain strong and steady. Yes Life whispers to us and urges us "just a bit more, almost there, it will be okay..."

And then as any two-faced sadistic bitch, the moment you think your goal is within your reach, SHIT HAPPENS. Life yanks you by your collar, pulls you back, and chuckles cruelly, teeth gleaming, eyes sparkling with cruel glee, and tells you in your face "Not so fast, fool."

*repeat torture*

Then life gives you another glimmer of hope.

Then you stumble (or pushed) into another big pile of crap.

The cycle continues.

Thank you for reading! Like, Share, or Follow this madwoman's blog if you have enjoyed taking a peek inside her dark, cobwebby mind.

You can use the left/right arrow keys to navigate this blog (older/newer posts).

You can also follow her on:
movie/book blog: A Moot Point

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Backseat Brooding: Alienation Sensation

Photos taken on the way to Manila last year (2013)

fast-paced city,
life left behind.
looking at the world
has it ever been kind?

Progress all around us
Suffering everywhere.
ignored with disdain
by people who don’t care.

Yes they live fast,
intent on leaving the past
What about those who can’t run
stuck in the mire
burning under the sun.
Will nobody help them?

Left to die in stagnation
forever in hibernation
waiting for reincarnation
wishing to any constellation
that in the next life,
in another world,
there’ll be no strife..
no hearts so cold.
No more alienation.

Thank you for reading! Like, Share, or Follow this madwoman's blog if you have enjoyed taking a peek inside her dark, cobwebby mind.

You can use the left/right arrow keys to navigate this blog (older/newer posts).

You can also follow her on:
movie/book blog: A Moot Point

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Why is it hard to deal with stupid people?

Because they're too stupid to realize they're stupid. You're the one who has to be the bigger person because they don't even know what "being a bigger person" is.

It's funny how people love to talk behind your back, criticize every little thing you do, compare you to other people they've met - and yet when you look them in the eye and ask them directly, they clam up and act like they're God's little angels.

I mean c'mon. You can't find another human being with the same set of fingerprints you have. Don't expect a person to be of the same mold as you (in my opinion, that would be horrifying. To be as shallow & as stupid as you are. My God.) Learn how to deal with different personalities, and stop gossiping about them. You gossip about your friends, what does that say about you?

Before you judge other people, look inside your heart. I won't ask you to look in the mirror, it might be too smudged for you to see clearly. 

Don't just grow old, GROW UP.

Thank you for reading! Like, Share, or Follow this madwoman's blog if you have enjoyed taking a peek inside her dark, cobwebby mind.

You can use the left/right arrow keys to navigate this blog (older/newer posts).

You can also follow her on:
movie/book blog: A Moot Point
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...