The Legend of the Killer Cockroach & the Madwoman's Plight

I was abused.

Emotionally... Verbally...  Psychologically...

Abused as a child.

By my parents.. By my relatives.. By the people who raised me.

And now that I’m an adult, those traumatic experiences are still affecting me tremendously.

LOL. No I wasn't. I was just being melodramatic. =P

Flashback to late 80’s - early 90’s. When I still weighed like a cotton candy, sported bangs and ruffled/laced psychedelic clothes, pulled off tantrums in an irritating but forgivable way, and just annoyed a lot of people with my utter “spoiled little girl” nature.

I remember, whenever I do something naughty, my babysitters would always scream “aro ayan nayng ipas!! ('look there's the scary cockroach!!')” or “sige pag emuku pemintwan, puntalan naka ning ipas! ('if you disobey me, the roach will pay you a visit - and you won't like it!)” IPAS. IPAS. IPAS. COCKROACH. COCKROACH. COCK-FREAKIN-ROACH.

For the rest of my childhood years I’ve been constantly reminded that some ipas would crawl from under my bed, into my mouth/nose/and other orifices, and gnaw at my brains & intestines, lay their eggs on my ears, and then eat my soul (lol, pardon the melodrama).

No wonder I turned out like this.

Fast forward to the present day. At twenty-e — one.. at 21, I have this INSANE fear of cockroaches. Give me headless horsemen anytime, hovering coffins, blood-thirsty vampires, or rabid dogs, with open arms I’ll sacrifice myself. TOTALLY INSANE. But one freaking roach. I’m dead. Paralyzed. Mind blank. Heart beating faster than a Tiesto mix. Dizziness to the point of disorientation. Neurosis. One freakin cockroach could kill me. The only thing I fear more than a cockroach is a FLYING COCKROACH!

* * *

The word cockroach comes from the Spanish word “cucaracha” which means “crazy bug.”

* * *

Several times I have found myself with a bursting bladder, pee almost trickling out of my peepee, through my panties, and down my legs (ALMOST), just because I refuse to go out of the room (my patient’s room — me, on night duty).. because near the bathroom door, I have to battle 2-4 cockroaches, who seem to stare at me mockingly, daring me to step on their territory, their freakishly long antennaes swaying deviously as if at any time they could emit poisonous laser beams straight at my chest. I imagine them baring their teeth, flapping their wings, and flying straight at me, with their hairy six feet ready to permanently glue themselves on my hair, clothes, skin, every part of my body!

Too many times I have found myself crying on the spot just because a stray cockroach happen to scuttle near my foot. Or god help me, whenever I accidentally touch one! (*shudder*). Yes family and friends laugh at me. For acting like a weirdo whenever these instances happen. Whatever. IPAS is the bane of my existence.

"Katsaridaphobia is the fear of cockroaches. One of the primary causes of the fear for cockroaches is a more generalized fear of insects." 

I have done too many stupid things out of sheer ipis fear. It’s pathetic.

And I realized it’s totally because of those childhood years, when I was still a kid, too vulnerable and gullible, this unjustified, unnecessary fear was unconsciously instilled in my mind. My parents, yayas (nannies), relatives - without malice - were responsible for my neurosis.

So to those parents, instead of scaring the crap out of your kids with utter BS like bugs, monsters, and ghosts - why not give them real frightening stuff to be scared about until their old enough to realize it on their own?.. —> Cigarette vendors (instead of the boogeyman), child molesters (vs. the headless horseman), politicians (vs. nasty insects & worms), the consequences of alcohol intoxication… teen pregnancy… STD’s… etc.. etc… LMFAO! Just imagine…

KID: Mommy, what is venereal disease?
YOU: That’s what you’ll get if you play outside our house!

* * *

KID: MOMMY I want more candies!!
YOU: NO MORE CANDIES, OR YOU’LL GET PREGNANT!

* * *

YOU: Now remember, lock the doors and don’t let the politicians in! Don’t listen to a word they say.. you know what’ll happen!
KID: yeesss… they’ll pretend they’re good people, and then rob us blind….

* * *

KID: Mommy I’m scared to sleep in my room..
YOU: Why?
KID: Daddy said because I was naughty, the Child Molester is lurking under my bed, waiting for me to fall asleep and then grab me and take me away to sacrifice to a demon-worshipping cult!
YOU: ohhhh.. right!

* * *

KID: Moooom! I don’t wanna go to schooool!
YOU: if you don’t go to school, I’ll make you drink alcohol, and smoke cigarettes!! mark my word!
KID: (puts on her uniform and gets ready for school) no please! I DON’T WANNA DIE!!!!

*      *      *

Cockroaches have been roaming and scavenging since the world begun. They may be as old as the dinosaurs, hell, they may be older than God!

We may step and step on them a hundred times, squish their guts, poison them with insecti/pesticides, they just make fun of us, knowing that they are the superior race. And as they hang out in their palatial mess of garbage/rottingwood kingdom, procreating by the minute, they’re just waiting for the time when the last generation of the human race dies out, because one thing’s for sure, the cockroaches will live long after we’re dead. Grrr.

*     *     *

READ AND SHUDDER:

• They can live a month without food, and they can eat almost anything, including human hair and human fingernails. If there is nothing else to eat, they can throw up and eat that. (ugh. yummy)

• Contrary to popular belief, cockroaches are not afraid of light. Although most species do prefer darkness, some are actually attracted to light and can be found gathering near windows or on television screens at night. Most of these nocturnal insects will scatter when a light is shone upon them. However, this reaction is much more influenced by their fear of humans than their distaste for light.

• A cockroach can live for up to one week without its head!

• The cockroach is a poikilotherm or cold blooded animal. They need much less food and a one day meal would be enough to last them a whole month as long as they were not extremely active. Without a head the cockroach would just sit around without doing anything much. 

• A cockroach can live about two weeks without water.

• Some female cockroaches only mate once and stay pregnant for life!

• A cockroach can live almost a month without food.

• Cockroaches can run up to 3 miles an hour.

• The world’s largest cockroach is found in South America. It is six inches long and has a wingspan of up to one-foot.

• A cockroach can swim and even hold its breath for 40 minutes, at a stretch.

Why do cockroaches die on their backs?

Cockroaches are not used to living on a polished marble or vinyl floor. They are more used to a ruguous living plane including leaves and sticks and other vegetable debris. Thus when a cockroach finds itself on its back (by some mistake in its orienteering) it may have trouble righting itself if there is not debris around to grab hold of with its legs. (Try it, put a cockroach on its back on a polished floor with and without some crinkled paper.)

Often we come across dead cockroaches in buildings that have died of insecticide. Most of these insecticides are organophosphate nerve poisons. With extra ACh in the nervous system, the cockroach has muscular spasms which often result in the cockroach flipping on its back. Without muscular coordination the cockroach cannot right itself and eventually dies in its upside down-position.

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