Sunday, July 19, 2015


"I don't belong here."

A white screen of smoke obscured her face that for a second I thought I just imagined her talking. She said it so softly I almost thought she was commenting about the weather, or something absolutely irrelevant. For several seconds I just stared at her, watching her intently, but always never guessing what's she's thinking.

We've been friends since forever, grew up together, but I still don't know her. We're best friends, but I know nothing - only what she chooses to divulge.

She's an enigma. I don't know if I'm fascinated or scared. I take a sip of my cold beer.

Plaster a sign on her forehead that says, "I'm an alien, an outsider, a weirdo. I don't belong here, goddamn you all!" and a passerby would just think she's joking. She looks absolutely normal and happy.

But I know better. She can be the most inquisitive and concerned human being when the situation calls for it, she can be as lively and goofy as a damn kid high on sugar, she can be breathless from an intensely animated storytelling and then lapse into a catatonic state the next minute, oh and she can listen to your stories for hours - smile plastered, nodding at the right moments, laughing at the punchlines - and you'll never guess that her mind is blank... Or thinking about ginormous black holes. She's a chameleon, a mime, a great pretender - because in reality, she's not here.

You know how I know?

Sunday, July 12, 2015

The Monster Within Me


I would wanna kill you someday, you know, full-on murder. Assassination. Blind homicidal rage. Sometimes, I imagine myself stabbing you in the neck with a big glass shard, feel your blood drip all over my hand. Warm, wet, sticky, red... so red. Tasty.


I imagine staring at your eyes while the light in them slowly dims, feeling your pulse gradually weaken, listening to your heart until it beats no more.

Oh, I'll surely get off to your weak pleas, your pathetic whimpering, the fear in your widened eyes, the trembling of your thick lips. You're pathetic. The thought of your begging makes me wanna prolong your agony. You'll make me so happy! You reek of fear - thick and cloying. That makes me so inspired!

Am I a monster for wanting to kill you? Do you deserve to live?

What did you say? I'm horrible? I should die? Oh ha ha ha, I can't breathe! Stop, my stomach hurts! Stop, that's hilarious! Me? Die? Honey, I'm already dead. You can cut me open any way you want and you'll see nothing inside. I'm dead. I've been dead a long time ago.

You, on the other hand, are not dead yet. But you will be.... soon. I'll make sure of it.


I'll peel away your skin, inch by inch. Slowly, perfectly. Have you ever peeled an apple? Tonight, you'll be my juicy, pretty, red apple. Call me Snow White, coz I'm gonna take a bite and taste you. Except that there's no curse from an evil, narcissistic queen. The only thing cursed here is you.


Are you afraid?

Which do you fear more? Me or your impending doom?

Speak clearly. Don't babble! Answer me, what's the purpose of your existence, aside from annoying me?

Sometimes, I wanna hang myself  just so I won't see you anymore. I don't wanna feel you, hear you. I don't want to succumb to your deathly grip anymore. You took over my life, controlling me, drowning me in fear. Not anymore. I'm in control now. Ya hear me?!!

The things I wanna do to you. God! Not only will I skin you alive, I'll also rip your innards out! One by one, I'll cut your limbs. Hack, hack. I'm gonna make sure the knife I'll use is not too sharp. That's how much I love you. I want you to feel the pain. Pain is good, right? You haven't really lived if you haven't felt pain. Right? Yeah, that's what you told me before!

Oh wait, I'm not done yet! I'm gonna eat your organs, of course I'm gonna share, you gotta have some too! And when you're drained of your filthy blood, I'm gonna bathe in it Bathory-style!

Are you still unsure of your fate?



I'm a monster?

You got that right.

I'll fucking kill you and I'll enjoy every goddamn minute of it.


Not today. I can't live without you. You've been with me for so long, we have breathed the same air, thought the same crazy ideas, made the same mistakes together. In fact, you're the one who made me do all those things. You're also the one who kept me from living my life. You're the one reason why I am who I am right now. You're my shroud of darkness. You're my twin.

You're my demon.

I hate you.

No, I can't kill you yet.

I'm scared.

I'm not ready to step out of the darkness and into the blinding sunlight.

I love you.

Don't let me go.

I'll kill you some other time.

Please don't leave me. I need you!

Photo credits:  exodrug

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