Manalig Ka Lang.

Minsan, darating talaga sa buhay ng tao na iaalay mo na lahat ng meron ka sa kung sinong santo man ang pwede mong tawagin dahil nasa isang sitwasyon ka na sobrang hirap at di mo na alam ang gagawin mo. Yung feeling na atheista ka pero bigla ka mananalangin sa diyos na maykapal na sana.... sana....

Natigilan ako sa pagmumuni-muni dahil tagos sa eardrum  ang boses ni manong barker na nagtatawag ng pasaheros.

Bakit Nga Ba Wala Akong Boyfriend? A "Liwayway Rant" Special. Be Warned, MedyoBitterOcampo.

Medyo nababadtrip nako sa mga taong tanong ng tanong kung bakit wala akong boyfriend or kung kailan ako magpapakasal. Medyo lang naman. Ganon ako ka-understanding! Kasi kahit bordering on pakialamera ang level ng mga dora the chikadoras sa paligid-ligid, eh naiintindihan ko pa rin sila. Bakit? Kasi naging mababaw din ako dati. Naging judgmental din ako dati. Nag-aassume, feeling superior, nangengelam ng buhay ng may buhay. Thank god dati lang yon! Eh kumusta naman kayo mga chikadoras?

So bakit nga ba ang hilig ng mga pinoy na mag-overstep ng boundaries? Tipong pumepersonal level na kahit "hi, hello" lang ang timpla ng conversation."Wala ka bang boyfriend?" - as if pag meron akong boyfriend eh makakatulong ang sagot ko sa buhay nila. Makakakain ba kayo sa Army Navy pag sinabi kong "oo, ang sweet nga namin ng boyfriend ko eh!!"

Siguro sa iba eh walang malisya ang mga tanong, may masabi lang kumbaga. Pero di niyo ba naiisip? Na kaya maagang natututong maglandi ang mga kabataan ngayon eh dahil kahit 10 years old pa lang ang bata, and opening ni Kumare o ni Tito/Tita kapag nakita eh "Kegandang bata! Siguro may boyfriend ka na noh? uyyyyy!" LOL. Gusto ko kayong i-hadouken lahat! Yan lang ba ang ineexpect niyo sa mga tao? Na ang ultimate goal ay mag-boyfriend... tapos mag-aasawa... tapos mag-aanak.... (pwede ring ijumble-jumble ang cycle.) ... tapos ano? Nga nga? Try niyo kayang itanong for a change "Meron ka bang natulungang tao ngayon?" o di kaya naman "Paano ka makaka-contribute sa ikagaganda ng society natin?" ganon! Hindi yung pinupush mo pa na magpacute at mag hanap ng boylet/girlalu! Ang babaw lang diba? Di ba kayo nahihiya sa mga sarili niyo? Ang galing niyong pumuna sa ibang tao. Eh kayo ba pinapakialaman ko kapag hanap kayo ng hanap ng jowa. Palit ng palit. Status pa ng status sa facebook - may foreforever pa kayong nalalaman at sinasabayan pa ng hashtag true love, with sweet pic na kahit langgam magkaka-diabetes sa sobrang kasweetan. Tapos ano? Di pa man nakakalabas ang bagyo for the week eh break na kaagad? Then hanap ng bago. Masaya na kayo non? Tuwang-tuwa ako sa inyo gusto ko kayong i-hug, wait for it, - sa leeg.

Should we only love cute purebred dogs? How about the mutts? SHARE THE LOVE. (with UPDATES)

*To those who just wants to read the updates about DOGstoevsky, please scroll below*

I love animals more than I love people. Just this this morning (like ten minutes before I had to leave for work), my friend tagged me in a post and wanted me to watch a video of a dying stray dog that was granted his wish (I don't know how the animal communicator figured all that out though, maybe it's magic!) and I urge you to watch it.

Long story short, after crying my heart out, sobbing like a lost kid in a carnival, I put some dog food in a container so I could feed any stray dog I see - and quickly left the house. I don't want to be late for work, and I had to go someplace first. You see, last week I kept seeing this sickly and terribly emaciated dog on my way  to work - it's truly gut-wrenching to see him like that, but as you know life you can't always help every animal. I've been meaning to feed him since seeing him the first time but circumstances always prevented me from doing so (meaning, I'm always late for work).

The video I just mentioned (if you haven't clicked the link yet, I'm on my knees... watch it) opened my eyes and heart just a bit more. I have to do something now. I have to stop thinking and dreaming, and just do something. The first step is always just a teeny weenie baby step but it's also the most important - this morning I decided to get out of the jeepney, when I saw the dog in his same place (under the tricycle) looking weaker than ever, and feed him! It may not be as grand a gesture as building an animal shelter or whatnot, but like I've said, the first step no matter how small is the most important. I approached him, slowly so as not to startle him (he only managed to raise his head and his upper body) but when I whistled and said in a soothing voice "Here doggie, c'mon eat!", he tentatively sniffed around the dog food as if it's the first time he smelled food, and to my joy he started eating piece by piece. It's a kind of happiness I can't explain. I wanted to stay there just to watch him eat it one by one, but I'm running late for work. I managed to take some pics even though the people passing by were looking at me curiously. As if feeding a hungry dog and taking a picture of him is something weird and frowned upon. Should we always only take pictures of cute dogs? Should we only love cute purebred dogs?

I hope that one day, all of us realize that these mutts or strays should be loved as if they are our own pets. When I was feeding this dog, despite the poor condition he's obviously suffering, I still saw something in his eyes - a spark, like that of a slowly dying ember, but still there nonetheless - it's like I saw his soul (yes dogs have souls! Don't argue with me -_-) and all I saw was kindness and loyalty and the need to be loved & sheltered. It's heartbreaking. I wanted to take him home and bathe him and feed him as much as I feed my pets. But in reality, I can't always do that. I can't adopt every poorly-fed animals I see especially since he has an owner (and a terrible one!). What I can do is take that second baby step and bring him food and water tomorrow. And I'm looking forward to it. :)

UPDATES:

Why CHOCOLATE is GOOD for the HEART

So I was on my way to work, walking (the only exercise I get to do), when I saw an elderly woman scavenging a pile of trash. I have already walked past her, because admittedly I have become one of those people that have gotten so used to seeing such extreme poverty and can turn a blind eye & justify it with the phrase "I pity them, but that's life, we all have our own problems to deal with." (and no I'm not proud of that), but this time something made me stop and look back.

The Legend of the Killer Cockroach & the Madwoman's Plight

I was abused.

Emotionally... Verbally...  Psychologically...

Abused as a child.

By my parents.. By my relatives.. By the people who raised me.

And now that I’m an adult, those traumatic experiences are still affecting me tremendously.

LOL. No I wasn't. I was just being melodramatic. =P

Flashback to late 80’s - early 90’s. When I still weighed like a cotton candy, sported bangs and ruffled/laced psychedelic clothes, pulled off tantrums in an irritating but forgivable way, and just annoyed a lot of people with my utter “spoiled little girl” nature.

I remember, whenever I do something naughty, my babysitters would always scream “aro ayan nayng ipas!! ('look there's the scary cockroach!!')” or “sige pag emuku pemintwan, puntalan naka ning ipas! ('if you disobey me, the roach will pay you a visit - and you won't like it!)” IPAS. IPAS. IPAS. COCKROACH. COCKROACH. COCK-FREAKIN-ROACH.

For the rest of my childhood years I’ve been constantly reminded that some ipas would crawl from under my bed, into my mouth/nose/and other orifices, and gnaw at my brains & intestines, lay their eggs on my ears, and then eat my soul (lol, pardon the melodrama).

No wonder I turned out like this.

Fast forward to the present day. At twenty-e — one.. at 21, I have this INSANE fear of cockroaches. Give me headless horsemen anytime, hovering coffins, blood-thirsty vampires, or rabid dogs, with open arms I’ll sacrifice myself. TOTALLY INSANE. But one freaking roach. I’m dead. Paralyzed. Mind blank. Heart beating faster than a Tiesto mix. Dizziness to the point of disorientation. Neurosis. One freakin cockroach could kill me. The only thing I fear more than a cockroach is a FLYING COCKROACH!

Sinong nagsabing MATABA ako hah?!?

(Posted this on Jan. 4, 2011. LiveJournal account. As much as I hate to admit it, I have grown bigger and bigger since then. -_- )

PORKet ba dumagdag ako ng "konting" timbang (mga 22 lbs lng nmn ah. UPDATE: nadagdagan pa ng another 20 lbs haha.) eh mataba nako?

PORKet ba umuusli at nakabuyangyang ng bonggang-bongga ang tiyan ko, nakaupo man o nakatayo eh mataba nako?

PORKet ba lumaki ng "konti" ang mga braso ko (at iniisip nilang ng-gy-gym ako. body-building kumbaga) eh mataba nako?

PORKet ba halos lahat ng kaibigan ko ay pinapag-gym ako eh mataba nako? (concerned lang sila sa health ko. gusto lang nila akong maging fit.)

at PORKet ba inadjust na ng mama ko ang hook, butones, at kung anik anik pa sa lahat ng mga uniform ko dahil ang sikip na sa tiyan ko, eh mataba nako?

HINDE. CHUBBY LANG AKO.

Kasi nmn mali yang term na mataba eh. Tumaba pwede pa. At least yon parang feeling ko konti lang ang tinaba ko.

Tatanggapin ko pa yon ng buong puso. Kaya sa lahat ng nagsasabing "ang taba-taba ko",eto ang mga tanong ko sa inyo.

• pag ba sinabihan ko ang kaaway ko na "you're such a bitch!", ay masasabi ba niya sa akin na "kung beach ako, salbabida ka!"? HEHE. HINDI SIGURO. (jez, tnx for the borrowed banat :P)

• pag ba sumasakay ako sa pedicab eh sinusumpong ng asthma o kya nmn eh pinuputukan ng ugat sa paa ang padyak driver? HINDE.

• pag ba sumakay ako sa dyip eh iniisip ba ng driver, barker, at mga taong katabi at kaharap ko na dapat pangdalawang tao ang bayad ko? HINDI RIN SIGURO.

• pag ba magtatago sa likod ko si Chokoleit eh matatakpan siya ng bonggang-bongga? HAHA. HINDI RIN.

• pag ba umupo ako sa isang upuan eh lumalangitngit ito ng walang puknat? NOPE. I don't think so :P

• pag ba hinamon ko ng away ang lalake, eh papatulan niya ako dahil feeling niya ka-level ko lang siya, kung katawan at lakas lang ang usapan?

• at if ever man pinatulan nga ako ng lalakeng yon at bigla niya akong sinuntok. pag ba nakahandusay ako at biglang napabilak, at tumaas ang skirt ko eh biglang tatalikod ang isang umuusyosong lalaki dahil diring-diri siya sa nakita niya? at hindi man lang ako agad tutulungan ng iba dahil alangan sila na baka hindi nila ako mabuhat? HAHAHA! HINDI AKO SI NYMPHA, mga kapatid.

• pag ba pinaupo ako sa elementary school arm-chairs na dikit-dikit ay hindi ako kakasya, at mangangailangan pa ako ng monobloc? HINDI NAMAN.

• pag ba dumating sa point na kailangan magkandungan, eh ako pa ang magkakandong sa boypren ko dahil hindi kakayanin ng powers niya na kandungin ako?

• and last but not the least, kung mataba ako, edi sana malaki din ang boobs ko! PERO HINDI EH! Ang saklap diba? mas malaki pa ang tiyan ko sa boobs ko.

at yan lang ang point ko mga friends. hindi po ako mataba. Tumaba lang. :P

Gusto ko lang talagang magsayang ng oras, at sana nasayang din ang panahon niyo sa pagbasa nito, haha!

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