"I don't belong here."
A white screen of smoke obscured her face that for a second I thought I just imagined her talking. She said it so softly I almost thought she was commenting about the weather, or something absolutely irrelevant. For several seconds I just stared at her, watching her intently, but always never guessing what's she's thinking.
We've been friends since forever, grew up together, but I still don't know her. We're best friends, but I know nothing - only what she chooses to divulge.
She's an enigma. I don't know if I'm fascinated or scared. I take a sip of my cold beer.
Plaster a sign on her forehead that says, "I'm an alien, an outsider, a weirdo. I don't belong here, goddamn you all!" and a passerby would just think she's joking. She looks absolutely normal and happy.
But I know better. She can be the most inquisitive and concerned human being when the situation calls for it, she can be as lively and goofy as a damn kid high on sugar, she can be breathless from an intensely animated storytelling and then lapse into a catatonic state the next minute, oh and she can listen to your stories for hours - smile plastered, nodding at the right moments, laughing at the punchlines - and you'll never guess that her mind is blank... Or thinking about ginormous black holes. She's a chameleon, a mime, a great pretender - because in reality, she's not here.
You know how I know?
Sunday, July 19, 2015
Sunday, July 12, 2015
The Monster Within Me
I'M A MONSTER.
I would wanna kill you someday, you know, full-on murder. Assassination. Blind homicidal rage. Sometimes, I imagine myself stabbing you in the neck with a big glass shard, feel your blood drip all over my hand. Warm, wet, sticky, red... so red. Tasty.
I'LL DRINK YOUR BLOOD!
I imagine staring at your eyes while the light in them slowly dims, feeling your pulse gradually weaken, listening to your heart until it beats no more.
Oh, I'll surely get off to your weak pleas, your pathetic whimpering, the fear in your widened eyes, the trembling of your thick lips. You're pathetic. The thought of your begging makes me wanna prolong your agony. You'll make me so happy! You reek of fear - thick and cloying. That makes me so inspired!
Am I a monster for wanting to kill you? Do you deserve to live?
What did you say? I'm horrible? I should die? Oh ha ha ha, I can't breathe! Stop, my stomach hurts! Stop, that's hilarious! Me? Die? Honey, I'm already dead. You can cut me open any way you want and you'll see nothing inside. I'm dead. I've been dead a long time ago.
You, on the other hand, are not dead yet. But you will be.... soon. I'll make sure of it.
DAMN RIGHT, I'M A MONSTER!
I'll peel away your skin, inch by inch. Slowly, perfectly. Have you ever peeled an apple? Tonight, you'll be my juicy, pretty, red apple. Call me Snow White, coz I'm gonna take a bite and taste you. Except that there's no curse from an evil, narcissistic queen. The only thing cursed here is you.
I'LL EAT YOUR FLESH!
Are you afraid?
Which do you fear more? Me or your impending doom?
Speak clearly. Don't babble! Answer me, what's the purpose of your existence, aside from annoying me?
Sometimes, I wanna hang myself just so I won't see you anymore. I don't wanna feel you, hear you. I don't want to succumb to your deathly grip anymore. You took over my life, controlling me, drowning me in fear. Not anymore. I'm in control now. Ya hear me?!!
The things I wanna do to you. God! Not only will I skin you alive, I'll also rip your innards out! One by one, I'll cut your limbs. Hack, hack. I'm gonna make sure the knife I'll use is not too sharp. That's how much I love you. I want you to feel the pain. Pain is good, right? You haven't really lived if you haven't felt pain. Right? Yeah, that's what you told me before!
Oh wait, I'm not done yet! I'm gonna eat your organs, of course I'm gonna share, you gotta have some too! And when you're drained of your filthy blood, I'm gonna bathe in it Bathory-style!
Are you still unsure of your fate?
YOU'RE GONNA DIE!
HAHAHA!
I'm a monster?
You got that right.
I'll fucking kill you and I'll enjoy every goddamn minute of it.
SOMEDAY.
Not today. I can't live without you. You've been with me for so long, we have breathed the same air, thought the same crazy ideas, made the same mistakes together. In fact, you're the one who made me do all those things. You're also the one who kept me from living my life. You're the one reason why I am who I am right now. You're my shroud of darkness. You're my twin.
You're my demon.
I hate you.
No, I can't kill you yet.
I'm scared.
I'm not ready to step out of the darkness and into the blinding sunlight.
I love you.
Don't let me go.
I'll kill you some other time.
Please don't leave me. I need you!
I would wanna kill you someday, you know, full-on murder. Assassination. Blind homicidal rage. Sometimes, I imagine myself stabbing you in the neck with a big glass shard, feel your blood drip all over my hand. Warm, wet, sticky, red... so red. Tasty.
I'LL DRINK YOUR BLOOD!
I imagine staring at your eyes while the light in them slowly dims, feeling your pulse gradually weaken, listening to your heart until it beats no more.
Oh, I'll surely get off to your weak pleas, your pathetic whimpering, the fear in your widened eyes, the trembling of your thick lips. You're pathetic. The thought of your begging makes me wanna prolong your agony. You'll make me so happy! You reek of fear - thick and cloying. That makes me so inspired!
Am I a monster for wanting to kill you? Do you deserve to live?
What did you say? I'm horrible? I should die? Oh ha ha ha, I can't breathe! Stop, my stomach hurts! Stop, that's hilarious! Me? Die? Honey, I'm already dead. You can cut me open any way you want and you'll see nothing inside. I'm dead. I've been dead a long time ago.
You, on the other hand, are not dead yet. But you will be.... soon. I'll make sure of it.
DAMN RIGHT, I'M A MONSTER!
I'll peel away your skin, inch by inch. Slowly, perfectly. Have you ever peeled an apple? Tonight, you'll be my juicy, pretty, red apple. Call me Snow White, coz I'm gonna take a bite and taste you. Except that there's no curse from an evil, narcissistic queen. The only thing cursed here is you.
I'LL EAT YOUR FLESH!
Are you afraid?
Which do you fear more? Me or your impending doom?
Speak clearly. Don't babble! Answer me, what's the purpose of your existence, aside from annoying me?
Sometimes, I wanna hang myself just so I won't see you anymore. I don't wanna feel you, hear you. I don't want to succumb to your deathly grip anymore. You took over my life, controlling me, drowning me in fear. Not anymore. I'm in control now. Ya hear me?!!
The things I wanna do to you. God! Not only will I skin you alive, I'll also rip your innards out! One by one, I'll cut your limbs. Hack, hack. I'm gonna make sure the knife I'll use is not too sharp. That's how much I love you. I want you to feel the pain. Pain is good, right? You haven't really lived if you haven't felt pain. Right? Yeah, that's what you told me before!
Oh wait, I'm not done yet! I'm gonna eat your organs, of course I'm gonna share, you gotta have some too! And when you're drained of your filthy blood, I'm gonna bathe in it Bathory-style!
Are you still unsure of your fate?
YOU'RE GONNA DIE!
HAHAHA!
I'm a monster?
You got that right.
I'll fucking kill you and I'll enjoy every goddamn minute of it.
SOMEDAY.
Not today. I can't live without you. You've been with me for so long, we have breathed the same air, thought the same crazy ideas, made the same mistakes together. In fact, you're the one who made me do all those things. You're also the one who kept me from living my life. You're the one reason why I am who I am right now. You're my shroud of darkness. You're my twin.
You're my demon.
I hate you.
No, I can't kill you yet.
I'm scared.
I'm not ready to step out of the darkness and into the blinding sunlight.
I love you.
Don't let me go.
I'll kill you some other time.
Please don't leave me. I need you!
 |
| Photo credits: exodrug |
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Sunday, May 31, 2015
Welcome to the Dark Side
I see your brain, with grooves and all, an explosion of colors instead of a boring grey hue. I can only imagine the things that go on inside your mind - a party of thoughts and ideas. The potential is limitless. You could conquer the world. Hell, you could build a rocket if you want to.
But wait, what's that dark cloud swirling around your brain? A thick smoky wall of darkness that's preventing your good colors from spilling out? It's overpowering your mind, the colors are barely showing. The colors are trapped. How can you get rid of it?
Monday, April 6, 2015
Untitled
I simmered for a while, with what I don't know.
Then I felt a glimmer,
of hope? Nah, just a random, vague shimmer.
I let it cook, just watching it boil.
bubble bubble, it said.
I took it out of the oven,
fresh from the pot, I tasted.
What the hell.
My tongue got scalded.
Never again.
Then I felt a glimmer,
of hope? Nah, just a random, vague shimmer.
I let it cook, just watching it boil.
bubble bubble, it said.
I took it out of the oven,
fresh from the pot, I tasted.
What the hell.
My tongue got scalded.
Never again.
Thank you for reading! Like, Share, or Follow this madwoman's blog if you have enjoyed taking a peek inside her dark, cobwebby mind.
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Ignite
Pen in between teeth,
Legs under the sheet.
Dark thoughts swirling.
To entertain?
...Contemplating.
Back, against the wall,
Eyes adrift.
A pack of Pall Mall.
Heart skips a beat.
Ah forget it.
Give in.
Light a stick.
Words being sifted,
tongue almost tasting them.
Choke.
A cough?
No.
Words being held back.
One last hit,
The glow slowly fades.
Symbolic.
Die just a little bit,
with every cigarette stick.
How melancholic.
 |
| Painting by YukiCryHikari |
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Friday, April 3, 2015
WRITING PROMPT #1: The Scream
Writing Prompt: You've been given a pencil, a sharpener, and a piece of paper. What are you gonna do with them?
Years ago, I would have sat down peacefully and wrote something. Anything. My writings bore me but they cleanse my soul.
Now?
I'm gonna sharpen that pencil, slowly, thoroughly. Then I'm gonna stab your eye with it, repeatedly. Over and over and over. Squish squish. Blood squirts all over, cheesy stuff drips all over your face, staining my pencil. You scream like you've never screamed before. In pure agony. Your annoying shrill voice drowns out my laughter. Squirt squirt, your eye socket fills with mush. I wanna tell you a funny joke about vitreous humour, but you're too busy crying tears and blood to get it, I'm sure.
So I sharpen my bloody pencil again while I stare at your pitiful face.
Years ago, I would have sat down peacefully and wrote something. Anything. My writings bore me but they cleanse my soul.
Now?
I'm gonna sharpen that pencil, slowly, thoroughly. Then I'm gonna stab your eye with it, repeatedly. Over and over and over. Squish squish. Blood squirts all over, cheesy stuff drips all over your face, staining my pencil. You scream like you've never screamed before. In pure agony. Your annoying shrill voice drowns out my laughter. Squirt squirt, your eye socket fills with mush. I wanna tell you a funny joke about vitreous humour, but you're too busy crying tears and blood to get it, I'm sure.
So I sharpen my bloody pencil again while I stare at your pitiful face.
Tuesday, March 17, 2015
Table Manners Matters, Bon Appetit!
Lay her down - the bed or the floor,
or slam her body against the wall.
Brush her hair gently away from her face,
or grab a fistful of it -- Ahh, that sweet grimace.
Kiss her face, her lips, her earlobes.
Feathery, spine-tingling kisses all over.
Watch her expression's subtle change,
Feel her shiver under your gaze.
Caress her throat.
Bite her, mark her.
Down, down, she groans.
Worship her breasts.
Feed your urge to suckle.
Suck her nipples until her knees buckle.
Down, down.
Her skin is on fire.
Unrestrained desire floods her.
Watch her squirm.
Mindless mumbling.
Moaning obscenities.
Lower, lower.
Feel her legs tremble.
Watch her open up.
Unconsciously, involuntarily.
Touch her ever so lightly,
Feast your eyes as she spreads her legs widely.
Smell her.
Taste her.
Feel her.
Devour her.
Make her go crazy.
Look up.
Look in her eyes, tell her what you want.
Look in her eyes as she stares back,
That primal desire - animalistic, raw.
Ignite it with your greedy mouth,
Hear her moan.
Let her rub herself against your face. Violently.
Let her beg. She's at your mercy.
Let her lock your head in between her legs,
Your face buried deep.
Let her flood you with her sweetest nectar.
Drink, like you're in a desert and you're thirsty.
Lick. She's a popsicle dripping in a hot car.
You're a slave to her pussy.
Lick. Just lick.
Feel her succumbing,
feed on her.
Feel her submitting,
open her up.
Eat her.
C'mon, lick.
Violate her deliciously.
Intrude.
Enter.
Explore.
Fuck. Don't stop.
You still have your pants on.
It's gonna be a long night.
or slam her body against the wall.
Brush her hair gently away from her face,
or grab a fistful of it -- Ahh, that sweet grimace.
Kiss her face, her lips, her earlobes.
Feathery, spine-tingling kisses all over.
Watch her expression's subtle change,
Feel her shiver under your gaze.
Caress her throat.
Bite her, mark her.
Down, down, she groans.
Worship her breasts.
Feed your urge to suckle.
Suck her nipples until her knees buckle.
Down, down.
Her skin is on fire.
Unrestrained desire floods her.
Watch her squirm.
Mindless mumbling.
Moaning obscenities.
Lower, lower.
Feel her legs tremble.
Watch her open up.
Unconsciously, involuntarily.
Touch her ever so lightly,
Feast your eyes as she spreads her legs widely.
Smell her.
Taste her.
Feel her.
Devour her.
Make her go crazy.
Look up.
Look in her eyes, tell her what you want.
Look in her eyes as she stares back,
That primal desire - animalistic, raw.
Ignite it with your greedy mouth,
Hear her moan.
Let her rub herself against your face. Violently.
Let her beg. She's at your mercy.
Let her lock your head in between her legs,
Your face buried deep.
Let her flood you with her sweetest nectar.
Drink, like you're in a desert and you're thirsty.
Lick. She's a popsicle dripping in a hot car.
You're a slave to her pussy.
Lick. Just lick.
Feel her succumbing,
feed on her.
Feel her submitting,
open her up.
Eat her.
C'mon, lick.
Violate her deliciously.
Intrude.
Enter.
Explore.
Fuck. Don't stop.
You still have your pants on.
It's gonna be a long night.
Thank you for reading! Like, Share, or Follow this madwoman's blog if you have enjoyed taking a peek inside her dark, cobwebby mind.
You can use the left/right arrow keys to navigate this blog (older/newer posts).
You can also follow her on:
Goodreads:Lucresia Strange
Saturday, March 7, 2015
Manalig Ka Lang.
Minsan, darating talaga sa buhay ng tao na iaalay mo na lahat ng meron ka sa kung sinong santo man ang pwede mong tawagin dahil nasa isang sitwasyon ka na sobrang hirap at di mo na alam ang gagawin mo. Yung feeling na atheista ka pero bigla ka mananalangin sa diyos na maykapal na sana.... sana....
Natigilan ako sa pagmumuni-muni dahil tagos sa eardrum ang boses ni manong barker na nagtatawag ng pasaheros.
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