Kristen Stewart's Sex Poem... And Why Not Caring Is Important.

What seems like a jumble of words randomly taken from a dictionary, some seemingly made up, is actually a poem made by our resident brooding Hollywood A-lister, Kristen Stewart. This is probably one of the weirdest poems I've read, but definitely not the worst. People are too harsh. C'mon, is it really the worst? You guys still haven't read mine. LOL.

Some poems are straightforward, some are more abstract. KStew's teeters on the crazy, hazy side. And I love that! I love crazy! God knows what she means with this poem, but I see sex, and lots of it! So here's my tongue-in-cheek take on: 

My Heart Is A Wiffle Ball/Freedom Pole

(by Kristen Stewart)

I reared digital moonlight

You read its clock, scrawled neon across that black

Kismetly … ubiquitously crest fallen

Thrown down to strafe your foothills

…I'll suck the bones pretty.

(moonlight, crestfallen, black - can that mean sadness or depression? Ubiquitously, kismetly - fate, both of them are sad. Thrown together into a moment of shared emotions. Leading to KStew, uhhmm sucking something, some kind of errr- bones? hehe.)

Your nature perforated the abrasive organ pumps 

(nature - man's biology. perforated - entered. abrasive organ pumps - what a sexy euphemism for the female genitalia. hahahahahaha O_O)

Spray painted everything known to man,

(sprayed all over her "walls." As probably quite a few men have known that particular abrasive wall)

Stream rushed through and all out into 

(seriously, do I really have to explain this?)

Something Whilst the crackling stare down sun snuck 

(they were making love until the crack of dawn)

Through our windows boarded up

He hit your flint face and it sparked. 

(I thought she was talking about Rupert Sanders. But she said he sparked - fairy vampire. That means Edward Cullen of course)

The Legend of the Killer Cockroach & the Madwoman's Plight

I was abused.

Emotionally... Verbally...  Psychologically...

Abused as a child.

By my parents.. By my relatives.. By the people who raised me.

And now that I’m an adult, those traumatic experiences are still affecting me tremendously.

LOL. No I wasn't. I was just being melodramatic. =P

Flashback to late 80’s - early 90’s. When I still weighed like a cotton candy, sported bangs and ruffled/laced psychedelic clothes, pulled off tantrums in an irritating but forgivable way, and just annoyed a lot of people with my utter “spoiled little girl” nature.

I remember, whenever I do something naughty, my babysitters would always scream “aro ayan nayng ipas!! ('look there's the scary cockroach!!')” or “sige pag emuku pemintwan, puntalan naka ning ipas! ('if you disobey me, the roach will pay you a visit - and you won't like it!)” IPAS. IPAS. IPAS. COCKROACH. COCKROACH. COCK-FREAKIN-ROACH.

For the rest of my childhood years I’ve been constantly reminded that some ipas would crawl from under my bed, into my mouth/nose/and other orifices, and gnaw at my brains & intestines, lay their eggs on my ears, and then eat my soul (lol, pardon the melodrama).

No wonder I turned out like this.

Fast forward to the present day. At twenty-e — one.. at 21, I have this INSANE fear of cockroaches. Give me headless horsemen anytime, hovering coffins, blood-thirsty vampires, or rabid dogs, with open arms I’ll sacrifice myself. TOTALLY INSANE. But one freaking roach. I’m dead. Paralyzed. Mind blank. Heart beating faster than a Tiesto mix. Dizziness to the point of disorientation. Neurosis. One freakin cockroach could kill me. The only thing I fear more than a cockroach is a FLYING COCKROACH!

Sinong nagsabing MATABA ako hah?!?

(Posted this on Jan. 4, 2011. LiveJournal account. As much as I hate to admit it, I have grown bigger and bigger since then. -_- )

PORKet ba dumagdag ako ng "konting" timbang (mga 22 lbs lng nmn ah. UPDATE: nadagdagan pa ng another 20 lbs haha.) eh mataba nako?

PORKet ba umuusli at nakabuyangyang ng bonggang-bongga ang tiyan ko, nakaupo man o nakatayo eh mataba nako?

PORKet ba lumaki ng "konti" ang mga braso ko (at iniisip nilang ng-gy-gym ako. body-building kumbaga) eh mataba nako?

PORKet ba halos lahat ng kaibigan ko ay pinapag-gym ako eh mataba nako? (concerned lang sila sa health ko. gusto lang nila akong maging fit.)

at PORKet ba inadjust na ng mama ko ang hook, butones, at kung anik anik pa sa lahat ng mga uniform ko dahil ang sikip na sa tiyan ko, eh mataba nako?

HINDE. CHUBBY LANG AKO.

Kasi nmn mali yang term na mataba eh. Tumaba pwede pa. At least yon parang feeling ko konti lang ang tinaba ko.

Tatanggapin ko pa yon ng buong puso. Kaya sa lahat ng nagsasabing "ang taba-taba ko",eto ang mga tanong ko sa inyo.

• pag ba sinabihan ko ang kaaway ko na "you're such a bitch!", ay masasabi ba niya sa akin na "kung beach ako, salbabida ka!"? HEHE. HINDI SIGURO. (jez, tnx for the borrowed banat :P)

• pag ba sumasakay ako sa pedicab eh sinusumpong ng asthma o kya nmn eh pinuputukan ng ugat sa paa ang padyak driver? HINDE.

• pag ba sumakay ako sa dyip eh iniisip ba ng driver, barker, at mga taong katabi at kaharap ko na dapat pangdalawang tao ang bayad ko? HINDI RIN SIGURO.

• pag ba magtatago sa likod ko si Chokoleit eh matatakpan siya ng bonggang-bongga? HAHA. HINDI RIN.

• pag ba umupo ako sa isang upuan eh lumalangitngit ito ng walang puknat? NOPE. I don't think so :P

• pag ba hinamon ko ng away ang lalake, eh papatulan niya ako dahil feeling niya ka-level ko lang siya, kung katawan at lakas lang ang usapan?

• at if ever man pinatulan nga ako ng lalakeng yon at bigla niya akong sinuntok. pag ba nakahandusay ako at biglang napabilak, at tumaas ang skirt ko eh biglang tatalikod ang isang umuusyosong lalaki dahil diring-diri siya sa nakita niya? at hindi man lang ako agad tutulungan ng iba dahil alangan sila na baka hindi nila ako mabuhat? HAHAHA! HINDI AKO SI NYMPHA, mga kapatid.

• pag ba pinaupo ako sa elementary school arm-chairs na dikit-dikit ay hindi ako kakasya, at mangangailangan pa ako ng monobloc? HINDI NAMAN.

• pag ba dumating sa point na kailangan magkandungan, eh ako pa ang magkakandong sa boypren ko dahil hindi kakayanin ng powers niya na kandungin ako?

• and last but not the least, kung mataba ako, edi sana malaki din ang boobs ko! PERO HINDI EH! Ang saklap diba? mas malaki pa ang tiyan ko sa boobs ko.

at yan lang ang point ko mga friends. hindi po ako mataba. Tumaba lang. :P

Gusto ko lang talagang magsayang ng oras, at sana nasayang din ang panahon niyo sa pagbasa nito, haha!

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